Since becoming pregnant, I’ve had multiple people tell me not to lose my identity for fear of transpiring into some sort of “mommy-robot”. The idea is that I need to achieve a balance where I’m giving my child enough love and attention while still maintaining my own interests and personality. But how, when it’s been engraved into my DNA to love, protect, and promote my spawn to the highest degree, am I supposed to also exist and act as an individual separate from my children? I’ve already gone from Hannah to “mom” and my baby hasn’t even made his grand entrance yet.

This change in mentality begins immediately following conception. Women go from rational to completely erratic. I think without this shift in mentality, humanity wouldn’t exist because nothing about having a baby is rational. We don’t reap any physical benefit from turning ourselves into baby factories. Our bodies are stretched and torn apart. Our intimate relationships are further complicated. It’s financially burdensome. And yet instinctually, we begin fawning over our babies before they even have limbs. We make ourselves sick and begin to make sacrifices on their behalf before we even know them. Our return is purely emotional.

I don’t have an answer for avoiding this. All I know is that the love I have for my unborn child is inconceivable, and I will gladly destroy myself for his benefit. I know he needs a mother who’s balanced and that there is some part of him that needs to see me pursue my own agenda. Sometimes it just seems like I’m fighting a loosing battle against my DNA.